A Personal Update on Mental Health and Recovery

Hey you wonderful humans,

Sorry it’s been so long since I’ve checked in. If you’ve read my last posts, you already know I’ve been struggling with my mental health for quite a while now. There were ups and downs for years, sure — but what I didn’t realize was that even the “good” phases weren’t enough to keep me stable in the long run.

About eight weeks ago, I hit absolute rock bottom. I honestly didn’t know how to go on. After talking to my doctor, it became pretty clear: I needed professional help. And just a week later, I was admitted to a psychosomatic clinic. If you know how insanely hard it is to get a spot in Germany, you’ll understand what kind of luck that was. Right time, right place.

So… how am I doing now? I wish I could put into words how much my life has shifted in these past weeks. My creativity has come back, I even started doing yoga (no joke, I’m obsessed) and I actually take time to meditate sometimes.

It feels like I can finally see colors again — colors I thought I had lost for years. And right now, it even feels like life is brighter and more colorful than ever before.

Next week, I’ll be heading back home. And while I’ll definitely miss the time I’ve had here at the clinic, I can feel that I’m ready. I’m so hyped to take life back into my own hands. Old structures are getting torn down and rebuilt — this time in a way that fits me.

For the very first time in my life, I’ve learned to love myself unconditionally. I can finally accept myself exactly as I am — even with all the things that aren’t “perfect.” My depression isn’t a reason for self-hate anymore, but for self-understanding. And that’s something I’ve finally found.

Of course, I know there will still be setbacks. Days where the darkness might sneak back in. But I’ve learned to allow those moments instead of fighting them. And weirdly enough, that’s taken away so much of their power.

Yesterday, I wrote for the first time since my “crash” — and honestly, I couldn’t be happier. It’ll take me a while to stop putting so much pressure on myself and just see writing again as the beautiful hobby it used to be. Back then, I never imagined so many people would actually want to read my stories. To be honest, I still can’t fully wrap my head around it… but hey, that’s a topic for another day xD

TL;DR: I’m doing so much better now — maybe even better than I have in years. It’ll take a bit until I fully get back into my everyday routine. Until then, please enjoy the stories that are already out there, or check out all the other amazing artists here on DeviantArt.

And one last personal thing: If you know those dark days yourself, if you feel stuck in a dead end or like things will never change — please, take yourself seriously. The problem with depression is that you can’t see it. A broken leg is obvious when there’s a cast or crutches. But a broken sense of self-worth, traumatic experiences, or a lost childhood? You can’t see that from the outside. So please, talk to someone. Even if it’s just a friend who goes with you to the doctor. You deserve help.

Because no matter what that inner demon is whispering to you: it is possible to beat it. And most of the time, that demon just needs the hug it’s been denied for way too long.

Much love to you all,

your writing mess Sophie 🫶🏼