If I think too long about the fact that my last-ever summer break starts in like… one hour, my stomach does this weird little anxiety flip.
Being an adult just isn’t my thing, okay?
Even the idea of sitting in some random office for eight hours a day, wearing my best fake smile, does not exactly make me wanna do cartwheels..
While everyone else already knows exactly what glamorous career path they’re gonna take, I go home after school, grab my iPad, draw manga girls or fangirl on Reddit about whatever new anime just dropped on Crunchyroll.
You could say I’m refusing to take even one single step into adult life. But hey — that’s Future-Me’s problem. Easy.
For now it’s almost vacation time, and tomorrow I’m heading out with my sister Nika to Uncle Matt’s farm.
As clichéd as it sounds, we’ve spent pretty much every summer vacation out in the countryside for years. Like, proper countryside: wooden house, barns, hay, the whole “yee-haw” package — Including random animals waking you up at ungodly hours.
Besides the last one, it’s dream for every introverted almost-adult. But Nika loses her mind every single time over the admittedly awful cell service. But Nika is anyway… ugh, where do I even start?
Okay, so Nika and I are stepsisters — and honestly, we could not be more different, even if we actively tried.
While I spend recess sitting alone at my desk drawing half naked anime girls on my iPad, she’s outside, skating and smoking with the “cool kids” who basically orbit around her like she’s the moon.
And the worst part?
Everyone loves her for it.
Well, not for the smoking, but for her effortlessly cool, laid-back vibe. The ultimate skater girl who can do whatever the hell she wants without ever facing consequences.
Even the teachers are totally into her. “Nika has such natural presence!” Yeah. Because she smiles at everyone like she’s selling them lip gloss for commission. She knows exactly how to manipulate people — always in her favor.
And me? I’m the uncool antithesis. The girl who’d rather run away than talk. The one nobody notices unless I accidentally happen to be in the way.
Tessa, the shadow creature. Yay.
Maybe things would be easier if Nika just ignored me. But nope. Every “conversation” — if you can even call it that — is basically her saying, “Why are you breathing near me?”
She talks to me like I’m a pimple she’s not allowed to pop because it’ll somehow make things worse.
And every time her friends look at her like she’s the sexiest creature alive while she looks at me like I’m roadkill…
God, I could puke.
I know I’m supposed to call her “family.” But honestly?
She alone could be the reason I prefer animals over humans in every second of my life. Or why I’m 100% convinced that evolution can go backwards.
On the farm, though, we actually manage to stay out of each other’s way pretty good. In the evenings she goes out partying, stumbles back sometime in the early morning, and then sleeps off her hangover until well past noon. By that time I’m usually already outside anyway — sitting in the barn or…
With Leni.
I swear, the second her name even pops up in some corner of my brain, a neuron somewhere fires like crazy. Okay, explanation time:
Leni is… different. Like, a kind of different that makes me forget how words work the moment she looks at me. That whole hot-farm-girl-with-secret-bad-girl-vibes thing she has going on? No clue how she pulls it off, but damn — everything about her is just perfect.
She wears worn out jeans, smells like a mix of summer meadow and diesel, drives tractors the way other people ride e-scooters, and somehow looks like she’s glowing in the sunset even when it’s pouring rain.
And the craziest part? She talks to me like I’m an actual person.
Not like Nika. Not like anyone at school. But like the things I say actually could matter.
And last year… there was this one moment.
It was one of those warm evenings where the air still smells like a hot summer day. Even the grass we were sitting on was still radiating that cozy leftover warmth.
We’d only planned to sit down for a minute or so to wind down the day. Seconds turned into minutes, minutes somehow turned into hours.
And honestly, it was just… beautiful. We watched crickets, saw birds building nests, and laughed about the most random crap — including my completely justified fear of geese. Because come on — those things are pure evil on two legs. They are not cute. They are not funny. They’re just constantly ready to throw hands (or wings), always looking for someone to mess with.
Leni loses it every time I fulfill every city-kid stereotype, like sitting under a tree with my iPad and AirPods, but constantly complaining about the damn flies that apparently see me as the perfect landing strip — And then start rubbing their stupid little hands together like tiny evil villains. God, I hate them so much.
But together we laughed so hard that we ended up lying in the grass crying, basically suffering from a mild oxygen shortage. To this day I’m not sure whether we accidentally sat in magic mushrooms or if we’re both just that kind of hopeless. Both could absolutely be true.
And then… that moment happened. The moment that’s been living rent-free in my head for a whole damn year.
At some point we were just lying side by side in the grass. The sun was gone, but the sky was still glowing. And Leni looked at me.
Not like a friend.
Not like someone who just happened to be lying next to me.
But like she was searching for something.
And I… I just looked back. Way too long. Way longer than you’re allowed to if you don’t want the other person to hear how loud your heart is hammering.
Leni blinked slowly, grinned this crooked little grin, and said — super casual, like she was talking about the weather:
“You know you’re actually pretty cute, right?”
I could’ve died.
Or screamed.
Or melted into the ground.
Instead I said nothing. No idea how I even kept breathing — Or maybe I didn’t.
Ever since that night I’ve sworn to myself that this summer I’ll finally muster the courage to tell her how I feel.
Simple mission — in theory.
The only problem is that so far the only beings I’ve ever confessed my undying love to are fictional characters on my screen.
But hey… if I don’t do it this summer, I probably never will. And that thought scares me way more than any rejection she could ever give me.